If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
