He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
