I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
