I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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