YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
