remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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