his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
