I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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