mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
