I'm lost and stupid without you.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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