Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
