an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
