dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
