He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
