4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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