I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
