I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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