i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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