my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
