He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
