I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
