I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
