his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
