Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
