Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
