Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
