Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
