I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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