I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
