i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
