So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
