Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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