talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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