My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
