You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
