just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
