dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
