I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
