there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
