And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
