Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
