I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
