btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
