So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
