I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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