Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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