YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
