ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
