I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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