Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
