that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
